"Slow Month"

This was supposed to be posted Sunday; then “slow month February” took over and I never finished it…

I recently wrote in my monthly supporter update newsletter that February looked to be a slow month. Funny thing about slow months. I don’t really do them. I am practically incapable. Walked in about 45 minutes ago from church and lunch afterward with the young adults there. I’m having my mid-afternoon coffee and knocking out calls for planning this week and some emails before heading out to meet Heather for a walk in the forest before she leaves tomorrow definitively for the states. Heather is a student I met through GBU and church and although our schedules are very different, we have found time to hang out and it has been refreshing for both of us to both practice French with native English-speakers and break into English when it just became too much…and we just needed a friend who understood. That said, last week was full between Festival at L’Arche, a doctor’s visit to Beauvais (a city one hour west of Compiegne) for my official “you can stay in France” paperwork, regular hours at L’Arche, a lunch newly added to my weekly agenda with L’Arche assistants, French tutoring, hanging out with Heather and other international students stuck here during the vacation for Friday night dinner…etc, etc.

What do I have prevu (literally, “pre-seen” or planned) for this week? Well, after a few phone calls Xue and I are having lunch Friday, I’m meeting up with one of the younger L’Arche assistants for coffee tomorrow, will be hosting Francois and Joel for our JAO planning meeting Tuesday night, having lunch with L’Arche assistants again as well as my French tutoring Thursday, hanging out with Joy McAuley and kids Thursday night while Thad is out of town, and headed back to Touquet with the Prevotes for the weekend. They have requested I prepare another American brunch like I did over Christmas break because the kids can’t stop talking about it and want a “refaire” (redo). Somewhere in here I need to deal with finances, taxes, studies, and look ahead to a few details that need to get determined for March and April. Although February is less than half over and I am in no mood to rush, it’s flying fast and I can hardly believe it. Besides what I have written, here’s a couple of other things in closing I want to share.

Having not done much house-keeping, grocery shopping, or laundry in a couple of weeks, Saturday was marked out to be so. I had opted to walk to market rather than bike because I like to vary my mode of transportation within the week plus it has felt like spring all week and I wanted to be outside on foot for as much of my moving about yesterday as possible (which was a bit considering my multiple trips to hauling to market, grocery store, laundry, etc.). I was very glad I had because as I was leaving centre ville after market I ran into Valerie from Moulin also on foot. Valerie is an Irishwoman who has worked with L’Arche for what I gather has been 10-15 years. Of all the people I have met and encountered here, she above most has been a gift and steady encouragement. We work well together and while she is introverted and I am extraverted, somehow I find us a bit similar. Our senses of beauty, how she works with people at L’Arche and how I seek to emulate, our need for space and community, in all I have greatly appreciated her.

But here’s where I’m going to break it down and just get personal. If lately you have read my blogs you’ll notice I the person Jennifer am doing stinkingly well here in the milieu of relationships and ministry. This fits well with what I recently wrote a friend back home: “Too often I think Christians especially don't let themselves personally exist (does this make sense?) and just go about what they know they are to be doing without doing the hard personal work that equips us for an outward life. I am continually with each new season convinced that my outward ministry and living can only be as effective and infused by the Holy Spirit as is my inward life; which requires time and attention and not feeling guilt about it either.” That said, it only seems thus fitting to me that if outwardly God is drawing me to people, inwardly he is giving me deep satisfaction and joy in himself and others. What does this have to do with Valerie? Well, we are both single women remarkably content and really even more so than that, convinced that God has called and is using us as we are for his purposes. As she so wonderfully said, “If my family had had their way, I would definitely have been married by now. But I just knew I was called to something else.” Thank you. No, I have not personally written off marriage and family (as a wise mentor once said, it doesn’t matter what you’re called to later but what you are called to as you are now), but I’m going to be the no holds back, infamous for my opinions Jennifer here: I have encountered a number of evangelical Christians who cannot fathom my being content, my being satisfied, my being found and created by God quite whole and remarkable alone, my not longing and weeping at night for husband and babies. In fact, I have had a couple encounters where I have been made to feel that something must indeed be terribly wrong with me as I am. (of course, something is always wrong with us; we are indeed fallen, broken little things; however…) As I told Valerie, “sometimes it’s hard, it’s like they don’t really want me to be content, you know, they just can’t get what’s so full and joyful about my life, like I’m missing something.” (geez, and I’m young, makes me really excited for 30!) While she has had to deal with family, Valerie lives in both the community of L’Arche where many single folks serve and are welcomed and the Catholic community, full of nuns and priests whose lives are counted as quite full and worthy. Finding that space in evangelical Christendom, well, um, it’s frustrating and at times quite frankly, angering. We continued our discussion on this topic along varying degrees—talking about coming and going alone from our apartments, taking care of all aspects of life including finances, maintenance, etc, etc., how we have to be extra-cautious as English-speakers (and especially me as an American, she noted) in France around men—and my soul was buoyed up to no end as I practically skipped the rest of the way home. Thank you, God, I thought for the women he has placed into each stage of my life who encourage me with their learned wisdom and examples. Sometimes all I need is to hear another person’s story at which I can rejoice at the seemingly inexplicable full pleasure of it all.

Please hear me and do not get me wrong. I value family and marriage and all it entails and I support any man’s or woman’s decision to live according to the serious commitments they require. But I also support and understand that in fact callings besides family and marriage exist which require the same seriousness of commitment. Perhaps to our detriment many have elevated the sacred institutions of marriage and family in a way that doesn’t allow room for, well, me and Valerie and our like. I get a serious kick out of seeing how God uses me, and in boldness and I hope not overconfidence, I can honestly say at this stage of my life I have made choices in ways I live according to where the Holy Spirit leads that have indeed required significant commitment. And I have no wedding band and no babies. I guess, in a sense, this is a post not just for me but for the many other men and women who are pitied or derided for “lacking,” but as I will use a movie line from I don’t know where, “In what way lacking?” As Paul writes, I lack for nothing.

Moving on…This past week has been one I will look back and call a “week of vision.” Without getting into all the details, it has been a week where in a sense I have seen God peel hindrances off my eyes to look towards possibilities, potential, visions. And it is freaking awesome!!! As I met new students, L’Arche assistants, ran into folks in the road or at market, met new neighbors, I sense I have been given “new eyes to see.” Like, those international students, they’re going to get a dinner invite. And L’Arche assistants, having coffee with one and Sunday afternoons will be increasingly wonderful times for walks in the forest with a group, so I think I’ll be calling up a foyer (house) or two to arrange that. Likewise, when I walk around town, sometimes I put in my ipod, really because speaking French all the time is exhausting and I do truly want to look unavailable to chat. Except that, I am missing opportunities; so I’ve opted to leave the ipod at home. Since then I’ve run into several folks and was able to help a neighbor. I am also focusing my prayers on France and trying to get a sense of what God is and would do here…which can’t help but be vision-giving. He has been faithful to lead me to listen more and talk less (truly a great feat, even for Lord Almighty) and I am pumped to continue. As well, I stumbled upon Romans 9-10 and well, that’s just a wonderful set of passages and actually fits well with what I’m learning in Isaiah. The interplay between Jew and Gentile in Romans complements so beautifully the movement of Yahweh God between nations in Isaiah. Every time I press God with questions, he returns singularly himself. Oh, and another thing, received some Biblical interpretation materials in French that I’m sifting through along with some English books to put together a self-study packet for one of GBU’s students who left for the semester. This too requires vision (and time!) and I pray over what to highlight and what to leave out.

Writing this Tuesday night before posting, finally…

It’s 11:45pm, my desk is an absolute disaster because at last count there are 13 books on it and numerous tumbling piles of important stacks of papers that I need to tend to and clear before I leave for Touquet! Monday is Olivia’s birthday and I get to be with the family. Also tumbling over my apartment are remnants of the meal shared with Francois and Joel. They left about 11pm and I blame myself entirely--I served a 5 course meal. Rarely do I keep bedtimes in mind when planning for hosting others. When I apologized for the cheese platter, that there were not proper choices of cheeses (i.e., variety and 5 cheese families represented), they looked at me and said, “So you take this French culture thing seriously, no?” Which means, yes. ☺ Anyway, our next JAO will be March 29th, which gives me time to prepare to do the teaching! I know, what?! But Francois asked if I would and after a series of questions to insure that he wanted me to and was not just being nice, I said, as long as you’re not afraid, I’m up for it. So!!! You can start praying NOW for March 29th. Fortunately we shifted around other responsibilities so all I have to do is prepare and get the hospitality items together. I’m going to work with my French tutor over the course of a couple of weeks after I study and write to get it all in proper, working, understandable French.

And a friendly FYI, you may not hear from me for a while. Again, “slow month” not really working out to be so and I think I might be overwhelmed. I have so much always I want to write and share and I hope you have a sense at least of what I’m involved with this year. But, trying to keep expectations real and manageable and I hope you will understand.