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I'm taking time to write here against my better judgment, more than anything because I should go to bed. It's 10pm, early according my standards, but I have a 5am rise time getting a guest to the train station (apologize to all who normally rise at 5am; I'm pretty sure my mind and body has very little capacity for functioning at that hour). However, I need to write this.

Several key ministry moments have passed this week--two significant discipleship/evangelism conversations, GEM's Christmas prayer and party day, the first meeting of JAO transition leadership team, and a few more. However, I have not slept well at all, due not to lack of tiredness; rather I have hit the pillow quite hard. But I have tossed and turn, waking up in the middle of the night in prayer and thought much over what I am to say, not say, how I am to encourage, what Scripture has to say, what folks need, etc. specifically in regards to 1) waiting on experiences of God, 2) our identity and confidence in Christ and God through the work of the Holy Spirit, and 3) personal integrity in ministry. It having been a full week and having been tired at night, I've only been able to literally grab one solid hour and a some time on a train to look through Scriptures in search of what it has to say and how God is speaking through it and the Holy Spirit today. I have literally had a few moments where I've wanted to cry because all I want and quite frankly need to do is sit down in some serious Scripture study accompanied by prayer and writing to sort through all that has, I feel and think, spiritually come into aspects of ministry this week but have not been able to. Looking to this week ahead I'm carving out some time for this specifically because if I am not being equipped in prayer and study to minister appropriately through the Spirit, quite frankly, I have no business being here. Yes, trust God with it all, of course I believe that; but well, when you're waking up consistently at night wrestling that's not just invitation to a moment to sit idly by and allow God to work his magic. Since Christ came preaching not magic but the formation of persons through discipleship, I personally have to be about that work in order to be poured out.

In writing I may sound like I'm very weighed down, confused even, that this time has been burden. Well, not really. Burden, yes, but appropriately so more as the "privilege" Paul often calls his ministry. Confused and weighed down, not really either. More needing to prepare, sort, and recognize the intense and significant work involved with discipleship, encouragement, and evangelism. Over and over recently I have shared with some close friends that I have seen so significantly God's preparing me for this season here in ways that I can only now recognize. I am here neither too soon nor too late. And I think with this week I see another level--that we must sense and recognize truly the spiritual (notice I do not write eternal yet that is encompassed) weight of ministering. While there is much to rejoice over in this past week, indeed in these past months, it comes with a certain amount of weightiness that cannot be just cast aside or written off but that must be taken into account.

So if you will, please pray that this coming week provides some significant time for study and preparation alongside the handfuls of other interactions taking place. While I'm thinking about it, pray too for this season of Christmas here. Quite accidentally with my weekend visitor (my sister's roommate) we walked into a couple of masses and of course, I having a rather high view of this sacramental moment took it all in (minus the communion bread of course). But this is what I do when I stumble upon services such as this in France, probably something I should do more in the States come to think of it--I pray for the person who is hearing the first word about God, that it will prick them and something will be stirred. I pray too for the person who has come with great need and burden, that in the Holy Words of God and in the Holy taking of the Eucharist (because I'm pretty sure it's a free for all in such settings if you know what I mean) they will encounter our Great Comforter and meet him newly or afresh. Scriptures for this weekend's mass focused on preparing the way of Jesus, looking at John the Baptist's words in Matthew 3. This is a season of preparing the way, of looking to Jesus' arrival. Pray that The Way would be heard and take seed in the hearts and minds of those searching but unsure of that for which they seek.